Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder….

Lately I’ve been terrified thinking about where I even am at this point in my life. There is a lot of confusion running throughout my brain. But, I can’t refute the fact that I am missing you.  More than I could ever begin to comprehend or fathom. One thing I know for certain is that I’ve always loved you. And I will love you forevermore. My love for you is perpetual. It runs so deep. It will never stop prevailing. No matter the circumstance. I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it. It’s time that I face reality and stop existing in the past. It’s gone and it’s never going to reappear. The only place that it truly exists in is in my own mind.  Just little scenarios that I created out of fear and rejection .. There’s absolutely no worthy reason to hold on to it any longer. I am aware of that deep down.  I don’t want to spiral down and keep falling. I’ve heard things the last few days that I didn’t exactly want to hear. But, truly needed to… The truth creeps up on us when we least expect it and we don’t know how to handle it. This is ironic because any other time we would be begging to know the truth. Life is strange like that. I’m trying to stay optimistic and turn this into a positive experience and understanding. Instead of overthinking about everything and worrying. I suppose I’ve spent too much time trying to change the ones around me instead of working on my own progress. This is going to take time and perseverance. But, I will see things through. I will find the light and my life will unfold beautifully. There is nothing that I want more than for you to be there right beside me through the journey. That’s all I can hope for and envision. I feel awful for having lost control of my life and my emotions. It’s been eye opening for me because I hadn’t realized until now how bad it actually was. However, I can’t spend my entire life living in regret any longer. I have to find a way to pick up the pieces and mend them back together. I will spend my whole life doing so if it means I get to keep you. Most importantly, I need to obtain balance within myself so I can be utterly happy. I love you with everything that I am and everything that I have. You fill the void that no one ever has been able to. Despite, all the ugly I am glad to have tried again. You were always the one. You never, ever left my mind. You stay tangled up in my thoughts. Nothing was the same without you and it never would be. So please don’t leave me alone in this place. You have that something that no one could ever begin to replace. It is you, all you. I could never stop loving you. I have to admit.. In my life, I need you in it. I hope you still feel like this love between us is for real. Because I know that I do. I’m in love with your love. I am in love with your face. I’m just unconditionally in love with you. I would do anything for you and that’s just what I am going to have to do. I know I’ve been a mess in distress lately and there is no real excuse to justify. My behavior has been outright foolish. Which is why I can’t blame you for keeping your distance.. Although, it does hurt terribly not knowing.. I’ve caused a great deal of damage that I never intentionally meant to do. The struggle will not sustain. Things will become clear again and they will be better than ever. Nothing that comes easy is worth having. I know I may not be deserving. And I realize this is not going to instantly happen overnight. We both have to pull together and put forth the effort. I hope I gain the chance to prove my love to you, my dear.. I am so sorry that I have pushed you over the edge. I am here to pull you back up if you would be so kind to do the same for me. I believe that our love is a mysterious bond that cannot be broken, and will be kindled for eternity, through all battles and struggles we may face. I am always here forevermore.