No sleep.

No sleep. My eyes are heavy. I’m horribly drained. Insomnia is kicking my ass. No sleep. A close friend texted me and it got me thinking. And oh my, when I start thinking in depth.. I can’t stop. I’ve been playing out all sorts of scenarios in my head. Wondering how things could or would have been different if I didn’t do this or that.. Or if I hadn’t crossed so and so’s path. I’ve been let down and I’ve let people down sort of thing. You know. It’s one of those kind of nights where nostalgia is hitting me in all directions. I’m realizing more and more each day that things are changing. Constantly, changing and rearranging. People are breaking off and heading in their own direction. It’s weird in a way. I keep hearing the words, “This is it” replaying through my head over and over and over. But, really. This is it. This is the time that we all knew would come but we didn’t realize it would come this fast. Some friends are slowly setting themselves up for disaster. And some friends are on their way to doing incredible things. It happens. No way you can really go about it. I don’t know.. This past year, I’ve begun see people I knew or thought I knew.. Completely, just throw themselves away for the reckless world to chew on. The type of people who I thought had it all figured out.. The type of people who had ambition and a drive to want to do something. The type of people who had so much potential but let it go. You know.. Those type of people. It makes me wonder, how in the hell they became that way? Hmph.. But, I also know people who have progressed so much and that gives me a little bit of hope. I hope they continue to grow. Mhm. My head is feeling feverish and I know I am over thinking everything. But, that’s how I am. I break down each of my thoughts and pick through them. Sometimes, to the point where it makes me sick and overwhelmed. I’ve just seen so much change in the last year. And I know that is what happens when you reach this point. Not really anything you can do about it but just make the best of it and hope for the best, I suppose. Shit is going to keep evolving, regardless. 

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About mollyellarae12

What might have been is an abstraction. Remaining a perpetual possibility.. Only in a world of speculation. What might have been and what has been.

Posted on July 25, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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