5/15/11

Innocence. Every bit of it. Taken away. Time goes by so quickly. I need you. I want you. I love you deeply. I was born to run. But, I’ll wait right here for you. I’m staying alive. I’m living this beautiful life in harmony. Taking every little bit of it in. It’s strange how things happen, isn’t it? I’m consumed. Consumed by you. I can’t seem to fulfill what I’ve been dreaming of. Just let go. No, hold on. Yeah, time goes by quickly. Sometimes, slowly. Without knowing.. What I knew. So many different shades of blue. Open up my eyes. I want to see just like the first time. Pace back and forth. Which way do we go? South or north? Keep fighting. Keep moving.. on. I go backwards again. I just want to go forwards. The past is just another dull memory. A memory that I want to forget about. Completely.. It’s funny how much I’ve changed. Things seemed to become all sorts of disengaged. It scares me sometimes. The idea of not knowing what to expect. But, at the same time I love the mystery. I’m trying to work out all of this. I don’t miss.. a single thing. I’ve screwed up time and time again. Feels like I’m out of chances. I’ve got to make this right. I’d understand if they all just up and left. It’s not like I don’t deserve a good slap in the face. I’ve got to piece it all together. I have no idea where I’m going. But, I feel like I’ve been here before. Another memory that I tried to forget came rushing back again. I can never win. Over come. I’m feeling sort of numb. I’m trying to get through to you. All of you. But, you’re all out of reach. Please, talk to me. I know.. I know that I’m making no sense. But, this is the truth. The truth that I’ve needed to spill out for years. There’s so much more. So much more that you will never know. I’m not sure how I view the world. I’m just searching for the right answers. Searching and struggling. Don’t ask me if I want to talk about it if you’re not going to listen. Running back around in the same circles. The same damn pattern that I started out in. I can’t believe the idiotic things that I’ve said and done. Have I not learned? I’m pushing you all away without even the least ounce of consideration. Something is missing. I feel like not a single soul is listening. I’ve changed. But, not enough. I just want to get it right this time. I know I said this and that. But, what do I really know? I’ll understand if you want to go. I just don’t want to be left here alone. Let go. No, hold on. Hold on just a bit longer. I’m going to get things right sooner or later. Better late than never they say. I’ve got so much sin to pay.. for. I’m messed up, really. Can’t place the blame on you any longer. Got to grow some back bone and be stronger. This is how I feel. Every bit of it’s real. I’ll make up for it all someday. But, for now I’ve got to get away. I’m sort of broken. I need someone to mend me back together. I need someone.. I need. I want. Never easy to please.

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About mollyellarae12

What might have been is an abstraction. Remaining a perpetual possibility.. Only in a world of speculation. What might have been and what has been.

Posted on May 15, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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